Interview by Hayley Oakes LM, CPM

What was important to you in having your baby naturally?

I felt having a natural, un-medicated birth was the safest and healthiest way to bring my baby earth side. It was also important to be completely present in every moment of the birthing process and to really have it be an experience I would never want to forget.

What did you know about birthing in a hospital setting that you felt didn’t fit your desires for the birth of your son?

Well, I knew I didn’t want any medication and from what I had heard from other women whom also didn’t want medication but chose a hospital setting, said it wasn’t as easy as just saying, “No thank you.” In fact, from what I had heard if you wanted anything that went against the “norm” of the hospital or its protocol, you had to really fight for it and that was some thing I didn’t want to have to do especially while I was in labor.

I also wanted freedom and support to labor how I wanted and where I wanted. I really wanted to have a water birth and I didn’t know any hospitals that offered that. In fact any doctor or health care professional I talked to or mentioned to the idea of a water birth did not support it and proceeded to lecture me about the dangers of having a water birth.

Ultimately, I wanted the environment to feel super home-like and comfortable. I wanted my son’s transition earth side to be gentle for him and myself, surrounded by nothing but peace and love. I didn’t want the experience to be traumatizing surrounded by bright lights, loud noises, poking and prodding and the chaos of rushed nurses and doctors.

Your husband is a nurse practitioner who works in urgent care (along with other family members in the medical field), how did they feel about your decision to birth in a birth center?

Well, originally I wanted a home birth, which my husband was not on board with at all! So it was much easier for him to be supportive of a birth center. But being a nurse practitioner and coming from the medical field he was always taught about what could go wrong and in his mind if something were to go wrong it’s better to plan a hospital birth that way you’re already there instead of having to waste time transferring there. Needless to say, it was a little difficult for him to be 100% on board with my decision right away.

My mother-in-law is also in the medical field and has worked in the NICU as a nurse for 20 years seeing the worst of the worst so naturally she was very worried as well about my decision to birth at a birth center. Honestly, I think my whole family had their concerns on some level. Some just voiced them more then others.

During the pregnancy and especially after the birth, did their feelings change?

My husband’s feelings started to change when we found Del Mar Birth Center. Actually, he was the one that researched birth centers near us (there aren’t many) and based off of the limited options, DMBC was the only birth center we toured. After our tour and talking with Margo (one of the midwives) he felt comfortable with having the birth in that birth center and was 100% supportive from then on. I think it also helped that my best friend Stephanie had recently had given birth there and had a very positive experience. As we prepared more and more for the birth he became increasingly confident that we could do this with no problems.

Over time the rest of our family got used to our decision to birth at a birth center. I understood that an out-of-hospital birth was new to everyone but it meant a lot to me to have our families support so I was patient with their concerns and questions.

We knew my MIL would be the hardest to come around. We brought her to one of our appointments in hopes that it would help her feel more comfortable with our decision. I knew we had her support although she did not agree with our decision. Ultimately, she respected the fact that I was never going to be comfortable with having a hospital birth and I respected the fact that she was never going to be comfortable with an out-of-hospital birth.

Since most or all of our family members were present for the birth of my son, they expressed afterwards how happy they were about my choice. They knew that they would have never gotten to experience the birth the way they did if I was in a hospital and that was priceless to them.

Did you feel prepared for the birth? If so, what helped?

I felt very prepared for the birth! I absolutely loved being pregnant and probably felt the best I have ever felt (post-morning sickness phase).

I did prenatal yoga twice a week, which helped relieve stress and overall help me feel relaxed and at peace. I saw my kinesiologist, Dr. Omar once a week for adjustments. This helped a lot with my acid reflux as well as making sure that my pelvic bones were opening up evenly, and creating space for my baby. I read birthing books and birth stories and asked all the moms I knew about their births to get an idea of what to expect.

My husband and I also attended the nutrition class at the birth center, which we took very seriously. We learned that nutrition was key in preventing a lot of complications that would not allow us to birth at the birth center. We took the Two Doulas Birth class where we talked a lot about our fears around the birth, what to expect when in labor and how to cope with contractions. We also took a breastfeeding and early home care class at the birth center.

I also saw an emotional healer every other week. From what I had read in the birthing books and from what the doula in our birthing class shared, fears about labor, birth and life with a newborn can stall labor so I wanted to make sure I addressed all of my emotions surrounding labor and birth prior to going into labor.

Did you have doubts that you would be able to cope or have the birth you wanted?

During the first half of my pregnancy I had doubts and fears about potential complications that could lead to a transfer and not having the birth I have always wanted. But after taking our birth class, talking with the midwives, my husband, and my best friend who had recently achieved a beautiful birth at DMBC, I was reassured I could do this and was confident in the fact that I had done everything I could do to stack the odds in my favor to have the birth I wanted.

I had so much confidence in my husband to be the support that I would need, and when I imagined my birth (which I did often) I only saw it happening in the way that I have always wanted it to happen. I knew I could do it – that I had to do it. I took away the choice of having it go any other way, but at the same time if a hospital transfer was necessary for the safety of my baby and/or myself I was ok with that.

Tell me about your birth experience.

Friday morning, the day before my due date I woke up around 8 am and went to the bathroom and found that I had started to lose my mucus plug. I sent a message to the midwives and Hayley messaged me back saying that it wasn’t a sign of labor, more my body’s way of getting ready for it and that it may keep coming out in the next few days. So I went about my day and thought nothing more about it.

The next day – Saturday (my due date) – I had lost what looked like the rest of my mucus plug and I started to have inconsistent contractions. My husband and I knew that this type of early labor could last days, maybe even over a week so we didn’t get too excited about it. That evening we went out to dinner with my family to celebrate my grandpa’s birthday. My contractions were coming more often but were still irregular and just felt like menstrual cramps so I was able to cope well and sleep well that night as well.

Sunday morning, the day after my due date, I was woken up at 7 am by my cramp-like contractions. They felt stronger but were only in the lower part of my abdomen. I started timing them on my own. They were about 7 minutes apart, lasting only about 30 seconds. My husband woke up to me pacing the room and holding the lower part of my belly. We decided to call the birth center and give the midwives a heads up.

Sarah was on call and after I described to her what I was feeling she told me to go about my day and try to ignore them as much as possible. So we did. My husband needed to get fitted for our friend’s wedding and we had planed to go to the Renaissance Fair. While my husband was getting fitted out of nowhere it started pouring rain! I think it even hailed for a bit. I found it odd but also interesting. I remembered reading a lot of birth stories where the women went into labor during crazy weather. We decided to still go to the Ren Fair. We figured if we weren’t going to let early labor stop us from going then we wouldn’t let a little rain stop us either.

We walked around a lot and I was doing my best to ignore my contractions but it was a little difficult. They still only felt like annoying menstrual craps but they were coming pretty consistently. My walking got a lot slower, but I was able to talk through them. Sarah called around 3 pm to check in and see how things were going. We told her no real significant change but we hadn’t been timing the contractions. She said that was fine and suggested taking four Benadryl with a glass of wine to help get restful sleep that evening.

We got home around 6 pm. I showered, ate dinner, and at around 10 pm I took four Benadryl and had a glass of wine. I thought for sure I was going to be knocked out for the whole night! So when I was woken up by my contractions and it was only 1 am I was surprised and worried I was going to be so tired through active labor! I laid in bed moaning and trying so hard to ignore the contractions and go back to sleep, but after about 30 minutes it became obvious that wasn’t going to happen. My husband had been up the whole time working on a project thinking this baby wasn’t going to be coming soon so I think he was a little surprised to see me awake. It was starting to feel like I might need some help getting through the contractions and I thought it would probably be a good idea to start timing them again.

So around 2 am I got in a hot bath. I didn’t want the lights on but I didn’t want to sit in the dark so we put candles in the bathroom. It was really relaxing and helped alleviate some of the pain and pressure. My cat and dog were pretty curious about what was going on and they didn’t really leave my side. Neither did my husband. I sat in the tub for about 1 hour. It helped with coping but I wanted to get up and move around. So I got out around 3ish and we tried some other coping techniques that we had learned in our birthing class. The contractions were getting stronger and closer together but were only lasting about 40 seconds and were still just in my lower abdomen. I was coping well taking deep, calm breaths with each contraction and I remember wondering if this was it? If this is what being in labor felt like?

I started to have back labor, which I was only able to tolerate if my husband applied pressure on my lower back during a contraction. My labor was like this for a couple of hours and around 5 am we called Hayley to see what she wanted us to do. My contractions were 3-4 min apart, lasting about 40 sec and were just in my low belly. I thought maybe I was in active labor and she was going to tell us to head to the center! Ha! She did not. Instead she told me to lay on my side and labor for 1 hour and then switch sides and labor on my other side for 1 hour. She said the contractions may space out but they will be longer which is what we needed them to be. She had heard me calmly breathing while having a contractions and told us the contractions needed to be more intense so that I was making more noise. I guess I was coping a little too well. Haha!

We did exactly what she said. As I laid on my side I stopped holding back during my contractions. Instead of trying to calmly breath through them I allowed myself to moan and make noise even if I didn’t feel like that’s what I wanted to do. Then my body started to respond exactly how Hayley said it would! I did almost an hour on one side and hated it because it worked so well! I started having full belly contractions lasting 1 minute long and my moaning became involuntary. I was still having back labor as well and needed my husband to apply pressure on my lower back with every contraction. I labored on the other side for maybe 20 min if that! The contractions were so much more intense and being on my side was so uncomfortable!

Around 6:30 am I had to go to the bathroom. We called Hayley to let her know her how things had changed. I was having full belly contractions lasting 1 minute, 4 minutes apart and they had been like this for 1 hour. I also wanted her to know that I was pooping because I remembered that pooping was a sign of being in labor. I thought for sure Hayley was going tell us to come the birth center! I was pretty confident I was in active labor (4-1-1 contraction pattern) not to mention we live in La Verne, which is about 30 min away from the birth center with no traffic. But of course it was a Monday morning and we would be getting stuck in LA traffic if we were to leave now or any later. So it was very disappointing when she did not tell us to come to the birth center.

Instead she told us to hang like that for another hour and then have me get back in the hot bath and see what my contractions do! All I wanted to do was head to the birth center but I also didn’t want to show up to only find out I was 4 centimeters dilated and be turned away. We told Hayley “Okay” but as I sat on the toilet laboring I knew I couldn’t get back on my side. I really just wanted to get in the tub and I thought it would be a good idea to have my parents come over. Somehow I knew this birth was going to happen soon and that we would need help making phone calls letting the rest of the family know that they would not be going into work today! We also needed to call our birth photographer and my kinesiologist, Dr. Omar.

My parents arrived at our house around 6:45. I was in the shower waiting for my husband to get the bath ready while still having strong, full belly contractions. My mom kept an eye on me in the shower while the tub filled up and my husband told my dad whom to call. I got in the tub close to 7 am and we let Hayley know what was going on. She asked how I was doing and what my contraction pattern was like. The hot bath helped with coping with the contractions, which were still intense just a little more spaced out to 3 minutes apart.

This time she wanted me to walk around the house if I had the energy or lay on my side again and rotate between the tub and walking for a bit until contractions were consistently strong, long and close together no matter what.

Then at 7:30 she wanted us to send her a video of me having a contraction [1 hour from thestart of the 4-1-1 pattern]. Well there was no freaking way I was going for a walk or laying down! I was getting very tired and starting to feel like I wasn’t going to be able to cope well for much longer. I was also frustrated because I didn’t understand why we weren’t on our way to the birth center, which at this point would be the only reason why I would leave the bath tub!

My frustration must have done me some good because right after my husband hung up with Hayley my contractions started picking up! They were jumping from 3 minutes apart to 2 minutes apart, lasting 1 minute long or longer! My husband took a video of me having a contraction but he was having a hard time getting it to send. That’s when I looked at him and told him to take me to the birth center right then! My parents agreed it was time to go. As I got out of the tub I had my bloody show (that she had been asking about). We let Hayley know that we were on our way, that I had bloody show, and we had 1 hour of traffic to get through!

It was around 7:45am when we left our house. This whole time my husband had been such a strong, calm, supportive partner, but now that we were in the car and things had progressed so quickly all I could sense was a very nervous and anxious husband. He says he thought he would be delivering our baby on the 210 free way. Right before getting into the car I had another contraction and my husband looked at me and said “I need you to slow things down”. I said “Ok” and I think I really believed I could control the progression.

Contractions in the car in traffic f***ing sucked! They were so strong and sitting was nearly impossible because I felt so much pressure on my cervix. I did everything I could to keep from progressing or at least try to just slow things down. I sat in the back seat with my legs stretched out but tightly crossed fighting against every contraction. It must have worked because I was able to fall asleep for most of the ride. I could tell my husband was worried. I would catch a glimpse of him staring at me in the mirror worried if I was going to be too tired to have the baby at the birth center. I was very tired but I just saw it as an opportunity to get some much-needed rest. Plus I fall asleep very easily in the car!

We got to the birth center at 8:30 am [2 hours from the start of active labor] and we made our way into the exam room. I could feel my husband leaving behind all his fears and worries. He no longer had to play the part of a Nurse Practitioner and husband. Now he could focus on just being a husband and a soon to be dad!

Hayley did a cervical exam (I hated every second of that!) and in her sweet, soft-spoken voice she said I was about 9-9 1/2 centimeters and that she could feel the amniotic sack. I swore I did not hear her correctly so I asked my husband what she said and he repeated that I was 9 1/2 centimeters. I immediately started crying. We embraced each other and just cried. We did it! We made it to the birth center, we were staying, and we were going to meet our baby soon! Hayley went to get the tub ready, and I made my way to the birth room. I was so eager to get into the tub! And as that was happening, Dr. Omar showed up. I had one, maybe two contractions and then my water broke! Everything was progressing so well!

While I was laboring in the tub, Dr. Omar massaged essential oils on me – mostly on my back.

By this point my back labor was pretty bad and applied pressure wasn’t offering as much relief as it had before. My contractions were so intense and I felt like I was losing my mental grip. I was so close to the finish line but I felt like I was running in place.

Our whole family had made it to the birth center and I started to feeling self conscious. I didn’t want to scare anyone by making loud or weird noises. All I kept saying was “I can’t do this”. At some point my best friend, Stephanie, knelt down by the tub. She took my hand and told me I could do this and to make whatever noises I needed to make. It was like she was in my head and knew exactly what I needed tohear. Shortly after that I told myself don’t be scared, just let go and open up. I think this is when I transitioned.

With every contraction I was very vocal. I don’t remember what I sounded like but I know I was loud. Dr. Omar and my husband worked together, dancing around each other as I changed positions, still in the tub. My husband was my rock. I just needed him to have a hand on me so I knew he was there. If he left my side I felt lost and scared. I had no idea what Dr. Omar was doing but I trusted her completely. She would put oils in my hand and tell me to breathe them in. She also massage me and adjusted my back and neck.

I felt like this last stretch was taking forever! I was so tired and ready to be done. I still could not stop saying “I can’t do this”. It was so annoying! In my head I wanted to stop saying it but my tongue was like a broken record and just kept repeating it over and over. Then I thought I was ready to push. I told Hayley “I think I want to push”. Hayley asked “do you want to push or do you need to push?” I had no idea! Hayley assured me that I would know when I needed to push. Then with my next contraction it was crystal clear! I felt this intense pressure kind of like I needed to poop but also nothing like that as well. And that’s when I knew I NEEDED to push!

I tried pushing in the tub but it wasn’t going so well. I first tried to push while leaning back sitting on my butt. But every time I had a contraction and tried to push down my legs would float up and I would slide down catching myself by grabbing the edge of the tub. I tried this position for a few contractions to see if I could ground myself more but while pushing was impossible for me in the water. Looking back I think it would have been really helpful to have my husband in the tub with me. He was suited up ready to go but I think he was waiting for me to tell him to get in.

Next, I tried getting on all fours in the tub. When I would have a contraction my arms wanted to bend which put my face almost in the water. I was getting frustrated and really wanted this pushing pressure to go away, so I finally said this [being in the water] wasn’t working and I got out.

I moved to the bed, which was one of the last places I ever saw myself pushing, but I was so tired and wanted to lay down. Getting on the bed took so much energy. I didn’t think I was going to be able to get on but some how I did. I was so uncomfortable with this pressure by my butt. It felt like my insides were going to fall out, which made me very nervous to move. When I got on the bed, where ever I landed was where I stayed. This happened to be in a very horizontal position. Again, not at all where I ever saw myself pushing. 

This position was also very hard to push in. Hayley wanted me to do a crunch [the diaphragm and abdominal muscles help with the pushing phase] while I pushed but with my big belly the most I could crunch was just a head lift off the bed. While laying flat on my back, I didn’t feel like I could push down how Hayley wanted me to. I don’t know how long I tried to push like that for before I finally said “This isn’t working!” Hayley asked if I wanted to try pushing on all fours. I had no idea! I’ve never done this before and my mind couldn’t think about anything else but the pressure on my butt and my insides falling out! Plus, the thought of trying to get on all fours seemed impossible.

So instead, I just told her I thought I needed to sit up more. With my mom on my left side by my head, Dr. Omar on my right side by my head, my husband holding my right leg, the nurse holding my left leg and Hayley dead center between my legs, we all helped me sit up more. I didn’t get very far but I moved enough to feel like I could push better. I was so exhausted. With every contraction Hayley wanted me to give three good pushes. I would give everything I had with the first push, break for a breath, push a little more and then be done. It was so hard for me to have enough strength and energy for that third push. 

Finding the rhythm of pushing was not easy. For me, pushing was the hardest part of my labor. I would soon learn that it was also the shortest part as well [1 hour]. At the time I had no idea what time it was, how long we had been at the birth center or how long I had been pushing. I just wanted to be done. Once I was able to get the three-push rhythm down things went a little more smoothly.

With my last contraction I pushed once and felt this pressure I never wanted to feel again and I knew the only way to get past it was to give two more really good pushes. So I did! The next thing I saw was my husband pulling our baby out! My eyes were locked on him. Only he was in focus and the whole room and everything and everyone in it was just a blur. I have zero memory of anyone’s reaction or who was actually in the room but from what I’ve been told there were about 11 people in there and not a dry eye from anyone. My husband brought our baby up to me and put him on my chest and we were in complete bliss. All was right and perfect in our little world.

You made your way to the birth center after only one hour of being in active labor (of the ‘4-1-1’ contraction pattern) and were nearly completely dilated when you arrived to the birth center. Did this surprise you — how far along you were?

Oh my gosh! I was completely surprised! We knew things had progressed quickly and we figured we had to probably be half way [at least 5-6 cm] so when we heard I was 9-9 1/2 centimeters we were so shocked! We were also proud that we did so much of it on our own just between the two of us. Neither one of us thought we could get that far on our own.

There is some sense of control during pregnancy in making distinct choices of where one wants to give birth and how to stay healthy, but in the moment of labor and birth, did you feel a sense of surrender to whatever was to come?

Yes I did. I think surrendering is what got me to progress so quickly (6 hours of active labor, 28 hours total).

What was useful for you in surrendering to the contractions?

In my early labor when I felt I was coping well, in hindsight, I realize I wasn’t completely surrendering to the contractions. When I got in bed to lay on my side is when I allowed my body to do what it needed to do and I gave in to whatever that was. That’s when things started to really progress! Most of the time I wasn’t focused on the contractions. It was like my conscious mind had turned off and I no longer needed to think about what was about to happen and how to handle it. My body just knew what to do and I had trust in the process.

Can you describe what a contraction felt like and the level of intensity?

It’s hard to explain. During early labor the contractions just felt like the worst menstrual cramps I had ever felt! Then as I entered active labor it felt like really bad menstrual cramps but over my entire belly. Which makes sense since that’s how big my uterus was. The level of intensity changed as labor progressed. I would say at its worst it felt like my body was experiencing an earthquake from the inside out. I needed to hold on to some thing or someone to brace myself. It would be a slow build up. I would feel my belly start to get tight and I knew it was coming.

Did you ever feel fear while you were in labor?

I did – mostly towards the end of things. At the birth center I was really scared to open up in order to be fully dilated. My conscious mind had turned back on and I didn’t feel ready and forgot how to do what I had been doing for hours. Having Hayley remind me I was in a safe place, having Stephanie get on my level and give me the okay to make whatever noises I needed to make, and have the support and encouragement from my closest family and loved ones really helped me to have the courage to get back into my laboring mind and get things back on track.

You had the most amazing support team in the room with you – probably the most people I have ever seen present at a birth (!) – how did it feel to be surrounded by so many loved ones? 🙂

Honestly it was a little overwhelming at first. I had put a lot of pressure on myself to show all these people how beautiful a natural birth can be. Some of them hadn’t experienced birth for themselves and I thought about what a rare precious gift in our society to be able to witness someone else’s birth experience especially before your own (for some of my family members who did not have children of their own yet).

But in the moment I was so worried about what they were all thinking about. I thought I was scaring everyone with the loud noises I was making and how it must be ruining their experience! In reality it wasn’t like that at all, but I think because I had never heard myself make noises like that before I was scaring myself a bit so I thought it must have been scary to everyone else.

Overall I was so happy to have everyone there to see the birth of my son. On my side of the family he is the first grand-baby, the first great-grand-baby, and the first nephew. It was special to me and my whole family that we all got to experience his birth together.

You also had your chiropractor there in labor adjusting you and giving you massages. Can you talk about how chiro care benefited you both during pregnancy and in labor?

Seeing Dr. Omar regularly during my pregnancy I feel is one of the reasons my labor was so quick and smooth! I also believe it was a major contributor to giving me such a blissful and healthy pregnancy! During our appointments we focused a lot on my hip and pelvic area. Knowing that area experiences the most change structurally it was important to make sure it would open up nice and easy when the time came of birth. I also experienced acid reflux during my pregnancy and Dr. Omar was a huge help for that as well.

Having her there for the toughest part of my labor as well was amazing! I had all the emotional support I needed from my husband and family but Dr. Omar supported me and helped me in a way that no one else could. While I was pushing my right leg kept cramping and Dr. Omar would crack my neck and massage my leg and my cramp would go away. Her adjustments and massages were exactly what helped me get through some of the toughest moments of my labor!

What would be your wise words to other women planning a birth center birth?

Be selfish. Make you and your pregnancy a priority! You are not planning a birth that is common so the way you prep for it may not be how your family and friends prepped for theirs and that’s ok. Do what you feel you need to do to have the birth you want to have. You won’t regret it!